i am coming to see that the sensation of the worst nightmares, a sensation that can be felt asleep or awake, is identical to those worst dreams’ form itself: the sudden intra-dream realization that the nightmares’ very essence and center has been with you all along, even awake: it’s just been…overlooked; and then that horrific interval between realizing what you’ve overlooked and turning your head to look back at what’s been right there all along, the whole time… your first nightmare away fro home and folks, your first night at the Academy, it was there all along: the dream is that you awaken from a deep sleep, wake up suddenly and damp and panicked and are overwhelmed with the sudden feeling that there is a distillation of total evil in this dark strange sub dorm room with you, that evil’s essence and center is right here, in the room, right now. and is for you alone.